I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
