Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
