i think i have two assholes
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
