He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
