I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
