i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
