she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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