it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
