You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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