matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
