Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
