I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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