just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just invented taco cereal.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
