i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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