When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
