You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
