my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We have started to decorate penises.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
