I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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