He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
