So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
