i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
