Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
