glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
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I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
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We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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