My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
