that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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