so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
