in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I bet he comes in French.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
