Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
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not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
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Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
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