Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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