He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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