omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
