i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
