I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
