Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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