where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
