he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
