i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
