Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
