i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
