8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
