I feel great
I just peed on a car
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
