I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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