Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
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