I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
