yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
