This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
