i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
