I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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