Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
