I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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