you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
