I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
