I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
