You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
