Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I love you.
Bad choice
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
