I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
