On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
