I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
