I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
