I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
