The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
