am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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