My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
