Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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