why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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