Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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