WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
