Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
