I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
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I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
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I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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