i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
