we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
