Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
