Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
