I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
