why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
