but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
