shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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