i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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