Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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