Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
