I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
