Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
