I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
