what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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