Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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